Oh little blog, I've neglected you!

So it's almost been a month since I last posted! A month full of ups and bumps. Being engaged has started to sink in, with many random bouts of super excitedness... but with that comes the desire to share those moments with mum which brings on bouts of super loneliness. Ugh. Such an odd predicament to be in, one of the happiness times in my life but one of the hardest. And that's really the main reason I haven't blogged for a while. That, and trying to get back into work after all the excitement has been rather tough!

On another note, I inadvertently ended up with six, yes six! postcards to do for the World Diabetes Day Postcard Exchange. After writing the six different messages I almost felt like I'd been blogging anyway, but how excited was I when one of my lovely exchangees actually posted on this blog after receiving my card! Plus we really do seem to have quite a bit in common, on top on the whole T1 diabetic thing. Such a great idea and I'm already looking forward to next years WDDPE.

I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things over the next week or so, but please don't loose faith in the blog if I'm a bit 'vacant' over the next couple of weeks. I'm aiming to be back better and stronger in the new year.

Nothing like a fresh start!

Much Love for the festive season x

WOW Days

What a day today is shaping up to be! (and it's only 7am here!) I can't sleep coz it feels like Christmas! Of course World Diabetes Day is here (and I've got my Type 1 tee ready to pop on thanks to Type 1 Diabetes Memes) BUT Bigger news than that is this is my first official day as a fiance!

Eeekkkk! Mike and I hiked around Cradle Mountain National Park yesterday when he got down on bended knee to pop the question! Of course I said yes! A total surprise and I'm still pinching myself as it doesn't feel real yet!

I'm so proud of our hiking efforts yesterday. I'm not nearly close to being in great shape at the moment but we wanted to achieve something on our two year anniversary - something we could accomplish.. conquer! It seemed fitting to travel to Tasmania to do this (despite missing the solar eclipse in my home town!!) as we'd first fell deeply, wholeheartedly in love in Tassie in January of 2011, when as part of our trip we'd hiked at Wineglass Bay (Amazing and highly recommended!). But as most diabetics have found out at some point, no matter how prepared you might be, there always seems to be some curve balls! The moment we got out of the car in the national park I went to check my blood sugar. My finger pricker wasn't working! Whaaa!?!? That has never happened to me before! It was so strange, the 'prick' just wouldn't go in...like the mechanism in the pen has somehow got damaged and slipped further down the barrel than it is supposed to be at... so weird, and quite alarming! We fiddled with it and got it working...sort of...I usually use it at 1-3, now I'm using it at 5-8. I also told myself that I had plenty of lancets so at worse I'd just have to do it manually (which isn't much fun but I've had to do before).

November is Here!

Diabetes awareness month is here and we're just two weeks away from World Diabetes Day!

I haven't been able to write these past few days, as not only am I a bit tired and renovating the bar area at work, I had my BIG once a year eye check up yesterday afternoon. I've been a complete bucket of nerves. It's the one appointment that really makes me anxious.

I've worn glasses since before I had diabetes and every year that appointment has been just as scary, as every year my eyes seemed to get worse. The long waiting times, flash light tests, reading tests, colour blindness tests, anaesthetic eye drops, dilation eye drops, more anaesthetic eye drops, numerous fandangled props being thrust at your head to measure this that and the other.... They say it's because you're still growing in to your twenties but that combined with the potential complications of diabetes gets me panicked! Majorly. This year even more so, as with everything that's been going on, I know when I see my GP on Monday, she is going to tell me my HbA1C is too high.

BUT! Would you believe it, my eyes are BETTER than they were 12 months ago! This doesn't mean they're amazing but I have no diabetes complications showing whatsoever...just a bit of hereditary dodgyness and annoyances associated with my astigmatism....

I feel like I've just been gifted a beautiful warm hug full of hope. A blessing. Perhaps I could even say 'another chance'. Most definitely a reminder that my health is largely in my own hands, and it is up to me to take ownership over it everyday. Back to putting diabetes first.

Not Quite Right

We're going on holiday soon and the break could not come sooner! I think the year's rough journey is finally taking its toll and catching up with me. I absolutely hate to admit it, but I think I'm about as close to 'empty' and 'burnt out' as I've ever been. There doesn't seem to be any area of my life which is strong, organised and championing forward the way I'd like. Everything is just 'hanging in there'. One of the hardest things about it all though is never really knowing if the way I'm feeling is 'normal' or because I have diabetes. I've blogged about the strange (but sometimes quite comic!) diabetic need to over achieve, and how hard it can be to say 'no', for fear of it being diabetes saying no, or not ever knowing what a non-diabetic would do in the same circumstance. I know I'm not alone in this too as many of you emailed or commented to say you knew exactly what I meant!

I had all my blood tests done on Monday, mainly my HbA1C of course, but with a few added extras because I've been feeling a bit run down. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I get them done, I still hate them! They don't get any easier, and in all the anticipation, my body thinks its funny to spike my blood sugar right before I get tested at the clinic. I don't think I've ever had a reading under 8 (though usually some where around 13 - 15)! Annoyingly, I can't get in to see my doctor (to discuss the results) until November 5th too. In the mean time I guess it's just about sticking to healthy eating, getting back into a consistent exercise regime and keeping those levels in check! Oh and not taking anything else on...perhaps even letting a few things go!

Hey You! Yes You there! Be Happy!

The iBGStar has been fantastic for helping me see just how erratic my blood sugars have been these past two weeks as well. There's so much information captured in the one area that it'll be fantastically informative once I can get into see all the specialists! The only gripe I really have now is that the finger pricker that comes with it, is a bit rough. I had to use my old pricker last night and had forgotten just how kind it used to be to my poor little fingers... so I'm going to make the swap back, despite loving the small size of the pricker which came with the iBGStar.

So I'm a bit beat, though not conquered. Reminding myself of the need to refocus on healthy living once again. Reminding myself everyday of what's important in the bigger picture. Living Happy.

Brain Aches and Baggy Eyes

Boy am I glad the weekend is almost here! The last week or so has been crazy full. There's been everything from illness to international fraud cases. I feel like I could just lay down and go to sleep and not wake up until next weekend!

Some of the most unfortunate news hit mid last week. The C Bomb.

I'm not talking the profane type, although that can hit the ears and minds of some pretty hard. I'm talking about the C bomb that has the power to leave you speechless, render you with the shakes and run off with your mind, all in the first moment it falls upon yours ears and trickles down to your heart. Cancer.

I've very fortunately not really heard that word much outside of my own mother's ordeal, until last week. Last week we heard of a friend who'd been dropped the C bomb. It was the first time I'd known of any one close to me being affected since we lost Mum. While I listened to the news, I realised how much I've learnt in the last six months alone, though it never gets easier to hear that some one close to you has been affected.

Saturday morning was my Dad's birthday. After a lovely family breakfast he received a phone call that would completely reshape the weeks ahead.

My family company have a new concept due to launch into the market place late this year. We had engaged a web designer, who at this point was three weeks into the site build, two weeks from finishing and ready to present us with the first stage on Mon 15th. Everything is riding on the website being finished asap.

Saturday morning Dad gets a call. The web designer had been caught drink driving. After being escorted home, it turns out he gave a false name. Alarm bells are a ringing!!! After a bit of home style super sleuthing it turns out his bank account, car registration, ABN, credits cards and so on are in three different names... bring on the googling!

Then my mind is blown. One of the names reveals this fellow has been on the run since 2006, having escaped England on fraud charges, and is awaiting a 6 and half year jail sentence. Oh and that was after a short stint of freedom, as he had previously been in the lock house for four years before that! There's alot more detail than that but you've got the gist!

iBGStar: Now we're talking!

I've now been with the iBGStar Glucose Meter for just over three weeks and I'm a very happy customer. While there are still a few questions on my mind about the meter, it's the overall package that has me completely sold. I love that I can enter and access all my data in one area, all the time, anywhere I am - because really I am rarely ever without my phone! While there are other programs out there, some of which I have had a play with, nothing quite compares to the easy of the auto downloads combined with the ability to enter your own data all in the palm of your hand.

How many of you look to your phone to kill time while waiting for a meeting to start or a bus to arrive? Those moments have now become opportunities to improve my control by entering more data about my life into the app. I'll just spend the time writing in all my extra info such as shots, food, exercise and other activities!

It's also become the ultimate in conversation starters and therefore, also somewhat of a Diabetes publicist! There has been an incredible amount of people who have never spoken to me about diabetes before, but who have now noticed the iBGStar attached to my phone, and are interested to know more. I've held my phone up to numerous dinner tables over the last couple of weeks to 'ohhhh's and 'Ahhh's as the big finger blood prick and corresponding animation whirl around the screen while we wait for the result to come up. Then everyone wants to talk about the result. Is it good? Why is it that number? How will it change when you eat? What are you normally? What should I be? The iBGStar could practically go out on its own global tour!

Having the meter function seamlessly with the app has also brought about better control. While I wrote down a lot of information before and often entered it into different apps, it was still relatively time consuming and I needed to use more than one medium - which often meant there were huge gaps in my information (and consistency) during busy times. This meter helps me to be more conscious about my choices and diabetes as a whole by making it quick and easy to keep a wide array of data.

My main concern about the meter now, is its longevity if I always have it attached to my phone. Such as: Will the front get very scratched up with time? Will long term use of the vibrating function on my phone impact the iBGStar eventually? But at the same time, these are questions that I don't have to worry about today and which are completely off set by the ease of use and user satisfaction!

I can definitely recommend the iBGStar glucose meter for Type 1's on injections.

Incoming!!

We've all done it. Over compensated for a low. I've just done it now...and I'm already thirsty just thinking about whats coming! Also kicking myself of course.

I sent a text to my boyfriend about an hour ago, 'I'm so tired today, even my face hurts! No idea why,  didn't even go for a run. Wish the weekend was here!'. Then as soon as I hit send, the little Diabetes light flashed in my brain 'eh HERM! Do your blood sugar!'

3.7. It's not an overly drastic horrible number. BUT I was having one of those lows. The ones that come on hard and fast, with the ravenous force of ten men (who at the same time feel as though they are bouncing around on my brain so I can't think straight!). Plus as luck would have it, I was at work early, no supportive coworkers in sight, but instead two contractors who needed assisting (on different things simultaneously). Cue 'Oh why do I have to have diabetes' thoughts!

It's also just a bit down right crappy going low like this right at the beginning of the work day, I always feel slightly 'under' all day. Looking forward to bed already.

Oh Hello Tuesday

Running in the morning can be difficult. It's already part happening before I even wake up properly and while I'm out on the road I'm gradually becoming more refreshed and preparing myself for the day. But each morning also seems to have a slightly different feel... like they all have their own personalities. Monday, she can be a bit hit and miss. It all depends on how she feels about Sunday as to whether its going to be a hard slog (because I ate too many carbs and had a lazy day!) or ready and powered up after taking a day off from the pavement. Tuesday is the practical joker. Tuesday is today and I've just once again been punked.

You see Tuesday is rubbish collection day in my suburb. With a mind still half asleep I can never quite remember not to run too close to the bins, as any other day they are not there, not in my main line of running. The houses in my suburb have a large area of bitumen set in front of them before the actual road so it means the owners need to roll their bins out a long way... but there's no particular spot for the bins or any sort of general rule... which is fine, but it also makes for some sort of early morning obstacle course.

So running on Tuesdays... gradually becoming more refreshed and preparing myself for the day as I run along. Focusing on powering through to the end... then all of a sudden BOOOOM! It takes me aback, I try not to stumble (highly embarrassing...I try to act normal...I'm cool). It's in my throat! Swinging from my tonsils! And just when I really need good, clean air deep in my lungs, I've taken in a big breath, just as I've come to a bin! Garbage gas in my face, in my mouth and its soooo not funny!

To make matters worse, this usually happens at least twice every Tuesday. There's a big hill I need to get back up to get home. It's on one of those little roads that you're never quite sure if there's another car coming, and there sure ain't enough room for two cars, a runner and the bins. So I have to run near the bins. And of course there's always one strategically parked right at the top of the hill, just as I come over the incline. Perfectly positioned for deep breaths. Tuesday morning you are not my favourite!

iBG Star take two!

Alright!!! Now I'm on a roll with the iBG Star and everyday it definitely gets brighter! While there's still a few things I'm adjusting to, the new meter is cozying into my life very well indeed (thanks to the quick pointers from fellow users!)

With my frantic work week (we had a major show open mid-week), I'd only been able to take a second glimpse at the manual (and with my stressful mind this week had no hope of digesting it's pages properly!) so when diabetogenic kindly pointed me in the right direction it was a huge sigh of relief! Now I'm just waiting on my order of blood strips (I was the first at my chemist to request them!) and I'm pretty confident I'll be more in love by the day.


My best start to the day all week!

 I've also ordered the special case so it can stay on my phone and am wondering how many people choose to leave it attached? I'm a little scared of wear and tear...

I tend to throw my (old) blood meter around and sometimes can be a little rough or absent minded when inserting the strip (i.e. it may occasionally bend ever so slightly on entry)... and it proceeded to produce a reading without even noticing anyway. But the iBG Star seems to be a little more delicate and require that tad more focus...I've wreaked 10 blood strips in the last three days to do with strip insertion and blood application, and at around 20c each, I definitely want to refine my style!

Perhaps it's akin to driving a Toyota and then stepping into a shiny new Jaguar... I know which one I'd rather choose, even if it did take more care!

Most importantly though, I cannot go past how wonderful the customer care has been. Impeccable.

iBG Star: First Impressions could shine brighter

Just like many others across Australia, I received the golden email Friday afternoon, announcing the iBG Star was available for purchase by the public. I hadn't felt this sort of excitement since I was a kid on Christmas eve! I love my iPhone, and use it to do almost everything, so why not test my blood sugar too? Ringing through, their customer service was lovely, everyone was so nice! - I say everyone as I spoke to about four different people! One to answer the phone, one to get my details, one to take payment and another to tell me where to get blood strips.

Then yesterday afternoon there is was! (cue imaginary rays of sun shining down from the heavens complete with music as I picked up the box) I hadn't expected it to arrive so quickly. I tore into it, pulling each item in the box out and laying it on the table. I thought I'd do the 'right' thing and read the instructions carefully... but we all know that gets very boring, very quickly and is a total excitement zapper... besides, the meter itself charged very quickly.

That's about the point where my excitement started to mix with distrust which continued to make me pick a few holes in it though (now this could just be down to the need to read the instruction book properly still). After testing with the control solution, I took my first reading - 20.0! (What?!?). I knew I was high but not that high!! I grabbed my old meter, tested, and was 14.9...pretty substantial difference! So of course this led to me using both meters every time I tested for the next 12 hours. Sore fingers anyone?? The discrepency hasn't happened since that first test...Murphy's law, but I'm happy.

Other things I've noticed / am sorting out!:

• If I exercise I can't stipulate if the blood sugar I took was before or after.
• I can't type in my own notes - i.e. the type of food I've eaten: I can add the number of carbs sure, but I believe food intake related to diabetes management is more than just the number of carbs.
• For blood sugar tests made on the meter when it's not attached to my iPhone, it only records the reading, I can not add the carbs, units etc on the iPhone even after syncing as the reading is 'locked'. So while it works without the iPhone, there's not that much point.
• Ugh!!! just plugged it in to check on the issue above and the app is completely missing! Asking me to install again! I just synced with my computer.... Being Gen Y I'm supposed to be good with technology...

Definitely need to give that instruction manual another proper read. I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Facebook!

Its official, Mastering Me now has a facebook page! I've joined modern society and signed up today (it's only taken me six months!!!)

Find me here: Mastering Me

Its a start!

The Week in Reflection

There were a few themes that seemed to really be at the front of my mind this week!

A quick run every day is more important that getting to work early, and saying yes to every other task that pops up! I did really well this week, I ran every morning and every afternoon, that is until Wednesday night. I got home late on Wednesday (8.30pm), so used that as my excuse not to run Thursday morning (needed the sleep), that and the fact I thought I'd run Thursday evening. But for random reasons I'm still trying to work out, when I got home Thursday my meter simply yelled at me 'HI'! Well then I proceeded to go low that night at 2am and by 6am Friday I was nothing short of completely wiped out, walking zombie style. It took me close enough to four hours to get ready that morning and I made it to work by 10am (but probably shouldn't have bothered!). I think my body threw a tantrum on Thursday as it didn't know what what going on. I'd pulled my insulin dosages back for all the running and when I didn't go, it was as though I just didn't have back up residue to cushion the change.

More and more people think they 'know' what diabetes really means (and some times the professionals even get it wrong!). As more and more people are subjected to advertising (mainly about type 2 though!!), school and university studies, and the general coverage of diabetes in the news, more and more seem to think they know the disease: what it is, and what life with it is like. Two things of note happened this week. 1. One of my brother's friends was in a lecture for health sciences, learning about diabetes, and the lecturer (who is a qualified and practising GP) said 'I'd rather have aids than diabetes'. I must be getting used to random ignorant remarks such as this as I realised my brother was fuming way more than me, in my defence. But its not about which is worse. In my opinion, it's a completely unnecessary, unfounded and if not detrimental comment to make in an educational setting which should be trying to positively shape the future of health and the world's approach to it. Quite simply, I also think it is unfair to compare the two. Its horrible to have any disease, and they are both battles fought by individuals in their own unique ways, each with a unique set of circumstances. That lecturer was nothing short of an arrogant idiot, and I can only guess he, nor anyone close to him, hasn't got a serious life long medical condition.

2. I found this online when I was researching Sugar Cane juice, and it reminded me of all the times you see and hear people get things completely round the wrong way, inside out or down right wrong but they proceed with conviction anyway...well until you let them know you're one! The credibility of this website plummeted when I saw this:

 
Diabetes is my battle. Sometimes one of the sad things is that no one will ever really know what its like to live with diabetes, unless they have it, and we just have to deal with that. Sometimes no amount of explaining seems to really convey how hard some days are.

Mums know best. After becoming more and more involved with the diabetic online community, some days I am in two minds about how much good it is doing me. I have a habit of checking facebook from bed every morning as I wake up. But most mornings there are only stories of people morning the loss of T1 diabetics passed or searching for answers to an array of health problems. I'll be honest, this scares me! (and perhaps isn't the best way to start the day!) But it also makes me stop and think about why my journey with diabetes has been the way it is. I've always been aware of complications but I've never really feared death and I certainly never thought about it when I was younger. While there are many thoughts in my mind, the main one is that Mum was my secret weapon. She had some simple and extremely strong principles on life. Two of her biggest focuses were healthy eating and leading an active lifestyle - physically and mentally. I couldn't have asked for a better foundation in life.

Lessening the Fight

Like so many others out there, I can't tell you how many times my alarm has gone off in the morning and all I want to do is hit snooze. Lately I've been hit, hit, hitting that button and 'snooze' has gone on for up to another whole hour, which when I stop and think about it, is time which definitely could have been spent much better. If instead of hitting snooze 5-6 times, if I just slept in 15-30minutes longer, I would've got more sleep, still gotten up in time and probably felt much better about myself! But instead, I continue to make myself feel guilty and leave my alarm set way too early for my needs. Just because I used to get up around 5am, doesn't mean that's what my body can cope with at the moment. Diabetes to me, can be as much about the mind as the body. While it is my body that has decided it doesn't want to work properly, it is my mind which chooses how I deal with it, and well I've decided diabetes should have no place for guilt (harder said than done of course!!!)

Diabetes is about being realistic, hands on and straight up about your needs balanced against the rest of your life. While it is important to keep ourselves in check and mentally push ourselves to achieve good results, If you're feeling tired, take a moment to think about why and if it's because your blood sugars weren't so great, you had a tough long day at work, a few extra hard workouts, or a hormonal/emotional change that day (or week!), then they are real elements in your life which will impact your energy levels - and blood sugars!

Be realistic and don't blow these off or make yourself feel bad for making excuses. Sometimes it's as simple as acknowledging the logical truth: We are diabetic. That extra effort, or change has often got to be offset somewhere else, it might mean extra food or sleep, leaving the office early, or taking a mid week break from the gym. So don't be too hard on yourself and let guilt niggle away - life is about balance, and even more so the life of a diabetic, as we don't always just bounce back very easily and lifestyle changes can take time to wear in. Stopping to recognise this will more often than not make you feel better and take lest time out of your daily schedule anyway!

Ps. You're already a champion for pricking, injecting and calculating all day!

My Work Diabetes Drawer

...no I don't own shares in the supermarket, I'm just a diabetic!

The bottom drawer of my desk at work. Does anyone else have a drawer like this at work? Sometimes I feel like I live there so it's much easier to have a stash of goodies prepared than risk forgetting or running out of something on the go!

Fresh Starts

OK so after a week of crazy work hours followed by a week of intense illness, gym, running and healthy eating pretty much went out the window. It's safe to say my state of mind and motivation levels haven't been the strongest over the last two months...everything has just been a bit 'meh' BUT despite this and still having a bit of a chesty cough this week, something has changed, clicked over so to speak and I am pumping with determination to make a fresh start: get back on track! I'm sick of feeling ill and dumpy, that and well I have my ten year reunion coming up in less than four weeks.

The best thing to come out of the last two weeks was the fact that any weight I put on, I completely lost last week, but my fitness levels have unfortunately also disappeared. So it was back to the gym yesterday and today. Also time to get back into consistent good eating patterns....that means no chocolate or packet chips from the bar downstairs...Ughhh...the beginning is always so tough!

I'm adding these vitamins/nutrients back into my diet this week as well:

Fresh Sugar Cane Juice -250ml
Coconut Oil - 3 tablespoons
Fish Oil - 6000mg

The fresh sugar cane juice is a newbie, hadn't heard of it before Sunday. Dad just popped by with a two litre bottle of the stuff after running into an old family friend at the local markets who makes it... as you do. Apparently its 'good' for diabetics. I don't know if that is good as in 'brings blood sugars down/helps keep them stable' or good as in 'suitable' as in not too high in sugar, not high GI. I'm trying to research by means of self testing and googling but would love to hear if anyone has tried it or heard anything themselves!

An Ambulance... are you serious?

'You need to call 000'

*silence*

'Hello? Do you understand what I just said? 

'Yes.. but.. what, are you serious??'

'You need to call triple zero, as in zero, zero, zero'

'Why?'

'You're in shock, you have a could sweat'

'but people sweat when they're sick' (and yeah I'm in shock now - you just told me I need an ambulance and I sure don't fell like I do!?!? Am I crazy!?!? How'd I get this sick now and not realise it...when I actually feel 1000% better than yesterday?!?!? *head is spinning! overload!!*)

'Well you don't have to listen to me but you need to call an ambulance. Do you know where your nearest hospital is? Yes, well you need to get an overnight bag, all your medication and call an ambulance'

'mmmm...OK, thanks' (WHAT THE?!?! Adrenaline kick and room pacing commences now.)

So immediately after I posted on here yesterday, I though it'd be good to get 'dial-a-doctor' to come around, mostly just to reassure me I was doing the right thing, but I also though I may need a doctors certificate, knowing that trying to get in to see my own doctor in the next week could prove impossible. But before I made the call I though I might just try out the state government's free health line.... big mistake!!!

They seemed straight forward enough when I first rang, answering the call within three rings, I was promptly put through to a registered nurse. But then it gradually stared turning into what I can only describe as a quiz from the pages of a trashy magazine whereby there were only two options which could result: neither of which were remotely near an answer to my question!

After asking my question: 'How long is too long for a type 1 to have an upset stomach?' She started dissecting my blood sugars - which I stated weren't really the issue but I understand she needed to know, but I don't think she needed to pull them apart as much as she did.. and even then she gave me the grand conclusion that it is better to have blood sugars around 8-14 when sick rather an 4-8...thank you Captain Obvious. A brief couple of questions about symptoms later, and despite telling her throughout the conversation how much I'd improved, she all of a sudden said 'You need to call an ambulance' (in than overly cool doctor tone too). Well in my foggy flu state this totally blew my mind. I felt pretty good considering, and deep down I knew I didn't need an ambulance - but she was a professional and what if I'm kidding myself... what if...what if I'm delirious?!?! Then what blew my mind more was that she had requested my phone number earlier in the conversation and so preceded to tell me that as I had declined, she couldn't AUTOMATICALLY call one for me.

What a right Wally I would've looked standing at the door when the ambulance came, with my bright pink overnight bag, PJ's, slippers, oh what the heck, I'll bring my own pillow and a teddy too. I hope they have tissues, I might need some for the trip in. Shhhhessh!!! Instead, I just waited for the lovely professionals from dial-a-doctor to visit. Everything is fine, I'm on the path to good health, and I have a doctors certificate.

The Health line concept maddened me as I thought of the (rare) times my family has needed an ambulance and how serious it was, life and death serious, holding our breath, swallowing the tears serious. To think someone in a similar situation to me last night may have actually proceeded and done what she said! Such a waste of extremely valuable and already over worked resources!

I understand the State Government is trying to offer a helpful service (and clearly also trying to avoid being sued - 'better to be over precautious' must be their motto!!) but it is a long long way from meeting my expectations that's for sure!

Sick Days

Well it would seem another 'diabetic moment' to come from last week's epic activities is my ability to catch germs in a nano second. I should've seen this coming too, same thing happened last year. This year, and last, I'm confident I can pint point exactly when I picked up the bug. You know when you just know. Well I thought it got me good last year! Nope this year was worse, and yes I do have a flu shot every year. I have had every single flu symptom possible from cold & hot sweats to body aches, runny nose, sore throat, chest cough, nausea... the list goes on. I've spent the better half of the last four days on the floor or in bed and I still feel like death warmed over. I also can't seem to handle Cold and Flu pills, they all make me dizzy and drowsy, which especially when I'm home alone, worries me! (Is this just one of my little oddities or is this a diabetic thing????) Just to sock it to me, this is the first time I've been sick and not had Mum around.

As us diabetics all know though, flu symptoms are not nearly our only concern when sick. Blood sugars + sick = Ugh!!!! Talk about stress! I can't remember the last time I was struck down so bad, and last night it came to a head: I got scared and began telling my partner that we may have to consider calling a doctor or taking me into the hospital. My blood sugars wouldn't come under 20 all day (which I'd been been stressing over more and more with every reading and am sure were also making me feel more nauseous), and by 7pm it actually seemed that the more insulin I injected, the higher I was going! To make matters worse, what little I could seem to stomach getting pass my lips, didn't seem to want to stay in me very long! Oh and did I mention how much stress simply hates me? - always making my blood sugars even higher.

Some days the battle with diabetes can seem so unfair, full of 'what ifs' and calculations even Einstein would perhaps be proud of. Its easy to get wrapped up, wound up, turned inside out and upside down and then not even really quite realise how you got there, just that its a diabetic thing... But that's just it, its a battle some days and a few deep breaths can go a long way to making sure I take one day at a time, one blood sugar at a time, one sick day at a time.

I'm miles better than I was on Monday and I'm certainly not invincible, so its back to the couch with a good book...maybe the TV remote too, to keep those stress levels in check. I will be checking in with the doctor tonight or tomorrow which will also help of course. The blood sugars are gradually coming down, but it can still be hard to shake that horrible feeling that niggles away inside when I know that a high blood sugar is lingering around too long, as if I can almost feel it damaging me! Cue deep breathing!

On a lighter note, I have to say I am so lucky to have one of the best boyfriends in the entire universe. Despite the palest skin, the sweating, the sniffling, coughing, cracked voice, watery eyes (and probably potential highly contagious at the beginning), he has not once fluttered at eye lid at looking after me, even coming home from work to look after me... that definitely makes the battle a lot easier too!

and Hey, I hear this bug is going around and striking even the 'normal' down.

Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

What a big week: great week, crazy week, full on week! So happy - So tired! I've been MIA again on account of it being one of THE biggest weeks in the arts for the region. The Cairns Indigenous Arts Fair (CIAF) kicked off, which also marks the beginning of Cairns Festival - a pumping time of year for us North Queenslanders (and very welcome visitors!). All around the city, there's something on, all the time for a full month. But that's not where the crazy goodness started... as many of you know - and have contacted me about (THANK YOU :):):)), Australian Diabetic Living Magazine included an article about my blog in their September/October Issue! Needless to say, I was extremely excited to pick up their latest mag and am very proud they chose to include me in their pages.

Something else just as exciting is the feedback I've had form readers and fellow diabetics. Thank you for your support and encouragement. It means the world to me, and I'm very happy to share this journey with you.

Its been an interesting week with ups and downs - not too many lows or highs though (WOO to that!). I still feel majorly tired, but am optimistic that even non diabetics in similar roles to mine this week are feeling the same! There were a couple 'diabetic' moments of note this week though. One happened on Thursday night, at the CIAF opening night - a night of all nights the visual arts, with national and international delegates flying in for the event. I had been asked to assist at the entry with ticketing and after having worked all day (and knowing I still get a slightly foggy mind, after all that's happened, when I'm tired) I had intended on being a 'wristbander'. Well the universe changed that plan! Last Sunday, I cut my finger badly enough to result in a bloody tea towel and multiple band aid changes before Monday...of course being a diabetic, this hadn't healed well enough not to still need a band aid by Thursday. So not wanting to touch people with my finger, I was given the job of checking names off at the door for the opening, as all the who's who arrived. Ughhhhh, this is where is started... people streaming to the table, and multiple lists for media, sponsors and VIPS, I thought I was getting through pretty well ...   t h e n    i t    h a p p e n e d  ... a coworker said the name of the next person into my ear, and without looking up to check, I crossed the name off, grabbed the name badge held it it up to the guest... and very over enthusiastically called a high-up, State Government official the wrong name. Cue frozen, wordless Jess face. Everyone else looked for aeroplanes or suddenly had another job to do which required them to turn around, reach to the floor or run in an opposite direction. Thanks guys!!! Why is this a diabetic moment?!? Well if I had of healed like a 'normal person' I would of been smiling and wrist banding...not checking names after already working for 10 hours aaaaand I also thought that if I didn't get tired so easily, I also probably would have looked up...not screwed up! After swallowing my pride and not sleeping well that night (yeah great, just what I needed!!), I found the official the next day and apologised/tried to make light of it... well at least they might remember me now!! Stupid band aids haha.

A day or so later, I realise I shouldn't be so tough on myself to be perfect, to everyone, all the time. No one can do that. Its that 'Diabetes Drive', the need to prove that I can still do everything all the time, that I think can sometimes actually lead to tripping up, At the end of the day, I'm not 'not normal', I just have diabetes, that's my 'thing', the 'card I've been drawn'. Someone without diabetes could easily have done that same thing, and I was too quick to get down on myself for tripping up because I have diabetes. It's OK to make mistakes.

Great Days

How good is the feeling of a great blood sugar as soon as you wake up in the morning? That's what I really call starting on the right foot. To see a number between 5 and 8 as my first blood sugar of the day is the perfect start. There's already a sense of achievement which gives an injection of hope and courage that I can carry on the trend throughout the entire day. Happiness.

Today was hectic, work wise, but having started the day in my happy range made everything else just seem easier. Not many around me (especially in my work place) probably particularly understand exactly what it takes to have a brilliant day in the world of a diabetic. But we know. That feeling you get on days where your morning blood sugar reading, your test before bed and all those in between happily behaved themselves all day - uncomparable! The satisfaction! The stress and panic as images and thoughts of complications cross our minds... not there on days like this. Bliss!

On days like this make sure you take the time to tell yourself you did a good job. Diabetes isn't easy, you deserve to be congratulated.

Invisible Illness

Until I left university (for the second time) a few years ago and really started getting into a career with job responsibilities and commitments, I never really paid much attention to the concept of 'work-life balance'. Nor did I think about the term 'invisible illness'. I could go to the gym whenever I wanted, sleep, eat, dose whenever I wanted. Now I have to be much more aware of when and how I do things, of what I squeeze into my day, and even more so: what I choose not to squeeze in, all in the name of balance. Now, the terms 'work-life balance' and 'invisable illness' have constant presence in my life.

Last week I took two 'sick' days off work. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes, because of diabetes,  I do just need to STOP, and the need to do so doesn't always conveniently fall on a weekend - just like being sick with a cold or flu. I find I can't just keep charging on all the time. If I have something extra on, or a particularly busy week, I need to then balance that out by having a slower lead up, aftermath or removing something else from my life just for that week (note healthy eating, adequate sleep and exercise should not be an option here!) While I did have a slight cold, it was mostly my lack of energy and high blood sugars that pulled me to a halt. I knew my body was screaming for rest now, or else I'd be worse by the weekend...perhaps resulting in having days off this week anyway. But I beat myself up about it throughout most of the time off.

Visually, to another 'non-diabetic', I probably looked perfectly fine to go ahead with a usual work day. There was no sniffling, coughing or raspy voice down the phone when I called up my boss. I might sound tired sometimes, but who doesn't occasionally? This makes me feel guilty, like maybe they think I'm lying. It also makes me feel somewhat like a failure, for letting my disease hold me captive for the day. I know I shouldn't let myself feel like this - what is it about us diabetics that makes us want to over achieve, be super human? Everyone gets tired and run down, Everyone.

While it can be frustrating, and I have days when I wish people could understand the feeling of high blood sugars, mood swings, and bouts of intense tiredness (all at once and combined with the stress of the whole situation!), I do at the same time still feel thankful of the instability of diabetes. I don't want people to ever feel sorry for me, or to think that because I have diabetes: because I take a day off here and there: that I must be weak. If anything, we are so much stronger. We have no choice but to be so.

My answer is that it's up to me to feel confident in my actions. It's up to me to educate others about living with diabetes. As my years with diabetes grow and my career along side it, the need for work-life balance grows in prominence too. I want to be here longer and stronger and that is the only way to do so.

Share and stay strong.

The Back Up Blood Meter

I am sure I am not nearly close to being the only diabetic who has a back up blood meter. While I have rarely had to fall back on it, it's the peace of mind in knowing there's a spare, 'just in case'. Most times when I have had to resort to it, its simply been because I cannot seem to locate my usual one.. and in the blur of an impending low, I still know exactly where the spare is as its always kept in the same place in the house.

The other night though, I pulled it from its usual spot in the house and used it as I simply didn't trust my current meter. Well that and the fact that '8' has started to look like 'A' and '7' looks like '1' sometimes! I checked my blood sugar on both (great..double the pricks!) and I was a little shocked at what seemed like a considerable difference. If I had of been lower, a whole number discrepancy would have made a big difference for me.

Needless to say, I now don't have a back up blood meter anymore and I'm not really sure what sort of metre I want to look into getting next. I liked this one because it was so small. I've had these meters for at least 3-5 years, so now I'm also wondering how long are meters supposed to last? Is there a point at which we we should all be getting new ones just as part our general diabetes management plan?

Fallen Flat

That's my start to this Monday morning in a word. Flat.

We discovered my car battery was flat at 5:45am this morning, then with the re-organisation of the morning I forgot I had injected, or forgot to eat...either way I went low. When I did finally get to work, I set the alarm off on the building. They say these things happen in threes... please lets hope this is it...otherwise I think I might have a rocky day ahead of me!

Hoping this isn't one of those days which would have been better had I just not got out of bed!

Conscious Unwind

Sunday, the day of rest. The scheduled day of rest more like it. I love schedule, and despite advances in diabetes technologies and medications working to create a more free, relaxed and 'normal' lifestyle for diabetics, I find that the theories I was taught when diagnosed with diabetes, based on schedule, still work best for me. Maybe this is because I am still on injections, or maybe it is simply because that's the way I first learnt how to deal with diabetes.

Sticking with a schedule can be hard, some weeks more so than others. But it gets me results. This week was jammed packed, and as much as I tell myself every weekend that the week ahead is not going to be so hectic, it some how still is! This week I put just that little too much into my week and my schedule got completely blown. I got tired, really tired. The type of tired where you're having to go without other important things just to find enough time to sleep. The type of tired that makes your blood sugars crash through the floor just because your body can't seem to be bothered enough to hang in there normally. So of course this only leads to the need for more sleep and then HEY PRESTO! I'm caught up in that ridiculous diabetes cycle of blood sugar swings and mood changes, that only a scheduled day of conscious rest can cure.

If I had of stuck to the basic framework of my weekly schedule, this wouldn't of happened. I didn't stick to it because I fell back into my old ways of putting everybody and everything else before myself. Putting ourselves first can seem selfish sometimes, or somehow less important. Sometimes our desire to help others, or to just finish that one last assignment, project or task just takes over. Or even worse, that desire to just be 'normal' and ignore my diabetic needs as I jam more and more in - even though everyone, diabetic or not, shoudl be taking time out to uwind, exercise and eat well, everyday! I even joke that I became 'possessed' by the computer sometimes when I just can't seem to break away to go eat, exercise or dose... sometimes even pushing my limits when I know I'm going low. Without first looking after our own health and well being though, how can we be our best for everyone else? How can we finish that task, wholly look after a third pary or achieve all our goals long term if we don't put our basic needs first

Then its just a matter of remembering this, and actually putting this message into practise - everyday - to be here longer and stronger...

An Average day: CPs to Units

Feel free to leave comments, feedback or advice! My blood sugars are always under 13 now - loving the stability but still way too high. No lows though.... let me know your thoughts!

The Good Stuff

You may have already noticed that I'm a huge believer in the effect of one's positive attitude upon their health and life in general, and the past week has been no exception. Lately, I've been really trying to consciously stay upbeat and not get tired - as its often these two things which result in me temporarily 'falling off the wagon'. It's been a week since I started taking Virgin Coconut Oil and at the moment, I still feel like its just my optimism that has kicked in. Overall my blood sugars have been much more stable but I have not had to drop my insulin dosages. Also, I think that because I've been so conscious about the oil intake, my emotions and energy levels, I've subconsciously been eating better. I've resumed writing EVERYTHING down in my diabetes diary again too which always helps me stay on track.

What am I taking away from the experience so far? Its hard to tell what's making a difference and there's still other elements I want to add to the mix, but it's obvious that good health is clearly a result of a holistic approach.

This week my aims are to increase my exercise levels back closer to my usual amount (30minutes - 1hour a day) and remember to take fish oil daily (greatly helps with my joints and general well being). I'm also currently taking 20 units of Levemir and around 25-30 units of Novorapid a day. I would like to see my overall daily insulin intake drop closer to 30-40 units rather than 40-50.

I'd love to know how much total insulin other type 1's aim to take daily or if there's any vitamins and alternative approaches other diabetics feel have worked for them!

New Starts

I'm excited. And happy. After trying to go to the gym in the mornings for the past couple of weeks, my schedule was out of whack and so I felt totally all over the place: skipping breakfast because I was running late, getting to work late, so then finishing late...and so the cycle went. This week I have rediscovered my morning runs, followed by a coffee and it just feels right. So good.

Its only Wednesday and I've already had a couple of 'new starts'. On the food front, I've started introducing Virgin Coconut Oil into my diet, I'm not expecting to see any impact for about a week, but I am optimistic after all the research I've been doing on the topic (will keep you posted). I'm starting slowly...only two teaspoons a day so far. I've read that for a woman of my age and weight, a recommended dosage would be three tablespoons. Baby steps to start with though.

I also bought my first 'loaf' of pumpernickel, after only having stared at it on the supermarket shelf for a couple of years now! It has about 2CP in every slice, so once the topping is on, it could be considered a whole meal, and despite its small size, its really quite filling. The first day I had it mid afternoon. This was a perfect time. It completely zapped the mid afternoon energy drop and is great before going for a walk or work out after work. Yesterday I had it for breakfast, which I think would have been fine, except I hadn't had time to exercise... So I ended up with a high mid morning blood sugar....Doh.

Another new start comes with the new Rotary year and my new role(s) as Bulletin Editor AND Publicity Director/Board Member of my club. I'm so excited and proud, rejuvenated and reinspired. My first meeting in this role is tonight. No doubt it will keep me busy but I find if there's passion, there's power to get it done.

Its also been a month today since Mum passed. So we've now moved closer to counting the time by months not weeks. It still gets to me, catches me off guard even, and never wont get to me, but there's so much love in my life right now, so much closeness, honesty and 'togetherness'. There's a sense of clarity and a dawning of what's really important and I am grateful for it all.

If any other Type 1's are using Coconut Oil in their diet or have any any experience with it, I'd love to hear from you. You can comment on here or email me.

National Diabetes Week kicks Off!

And am I sure glad to be starting a new week! So despite my optimism, and a pretty good start to the week, I found out on Wednesday that a dear friend of mine had passed away very, very suddenly. The news was absolutely shocking to everyone, we still can't get our heads around it. To think that such a young and lively soul is now no longer with us. Just like that. Its hard to find the words to express the situation.

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm in a rough patch and its hard. Its hard to get up every morning and keep all the wheels turning and the balls in the air. If there were just one lesson I think I'm supposed to take away from this time, is that life is short: its a blessing and a gift, not a given, not a certainty. So more than ever, I am looking to ensure diabetes is number one in my life, and even though this week is focused on Type 2 awareness, it still serves as a reminder to put our health first, be happy, and live fully.

Read more about National Diabetes Week here

What a Week!

What a week! Not only did we seem to (rather wonderfully) celebrate my birthday for most of the week, I started back at the gym, and we had a sell out performance season open! As much as i tired for stability, with the mix of activities and coming off the back of a turbulent few weeks, there were a definite couple of highs and lows. It all came to a head by Thursday morning, when I suddenly felt really ill, checking my blood sugar every five seconds only seemed to give me sore fingers, and make me feel stupid as my blood sugar was a cool 6 every time. Then all of a sudden, at a big work morning tea event, I totally crashed. You know one of those lows where the jellybeans just don’t seem to be kicking in? I couldn’t focus on anything anyone was saying and I tried desperately just to sit calmly, waiting for it to go back up. 15minutes later it was still 3.1. I thought some orange juice might help but on first attempt to get up, my legs turned to jelly and I flopped back down in the chair. To my amazement, no one seemed to notice, or offer to help, and here I was, feeling like I was making a scene and mildly hyperventilating.  In fact, this really was one of the rare occasions where I had felt like just saying ‘Alright I give up, take me to the hospital’. After hazily walking to the bar and freaking the bar staff out, a sucked down a glass of orange juice in what I can only assume was a Guinness world record.

Our performance season opened that night which meant a looooog day (9am – 8pm) By Thursday night, my body was in complete protest which resulted in my meter simply saying ‘Hi’! After injecting and downing a bucket of water, I basically passed out on impact with the bed. Why did that have to happen in my first week back? On our Opening Night? AND make me exhausted for my birthday celebrations the next night!?!? Diabetes can be so inconvenient sometimes!

As you can imagine, I spent most of the weekend recovering, and sleeping. Monday was tough this week and my blood sugars were slightly elevated, but at least they were stable. Today I’m doing something different again, we’re cleaning the house and garages out – a massive massive spring clean...in the winter...we’d die in pools of sweat if we were cleaning out houses in spring/summer here!

Here’s to hoping there’s no lows today and I get through the day like a diabetes champion!

First Day Back (Take 2!)

Well as you can guess, yesterday was my first day back at work. It didn't really feel like I'd had three weeks away... that is untill the pile of backlog became clearer and clearer as the day progressed! At first I thought it might be all too much, as the first hour or so was a little difficult emotionally (draining, with a few good deep breaths and a tear shed here and there- not much good for my blood sugars!). Everyone was so nice and welcoming, as they passed on their condolences, with sad faces and hugs all round.

Another reminder I had returned to work yesterday happened when the mid morning high hit me. I'm not completely sure why, but I have always struggled with morning blood sugars. Before breakfast and after breakfast. The only relief I seem to get is if I run in the morning. Even going to the gym isn't as effective as a short burst of intense cardio. Wrongly, I am also already slipping into the 'work before me' game. A terrible terrible position that many of us put ourselves in! Diabetic or non diabetic, work should never come before our health, and it sounds simple enough but how quickly do we all forget to stick to it! I'm back at work from 7am today and tomorrow, meaning no morning run, meaning very likely blood sugar spike between 9am and 11am!...

My work year has certainly been a roller coaster! If only for the fact that most recently I was on leave for five weeks, back for two then off for three more. The momentum has been knocked to say the least! On the flip side, it also means that my attempt to create schedule and routine in my life has also been somewhat difficult. And as you all know, its all the little disruptions and changes which can most effect our blood sugars and the ability to maintain stabiltiy. My dreams of administering a truely holistic approach to my diabetes managment are still alive however, and I'm determined to get back up on that proverbial horse asap!

Thursday morning theres no excuses! (Well maybe one... we're going out to dinner for my birthday Wednesday night. May will power and determination be my best friends come Thursday morning?!? I'll keep you posted - of course)

Stepping through the fog

So this week has been strange, and I've been told this is to be expected. I'm ok but it feels a bit like I'm floating (despite having put on weight over the last couple of weeks! Boo to that), or like I'm waiting...again... but I'm not really sure what for. I couldn't really tell you what I did on Monday or Tuesday this week, and the high lights of yesterday were that I rearranged some flowers, finally got back to the gym, and managed to have a whole day with blood sugars under 9. Today... well I made it to the gym again (hoping the love of the habit will kick in again very soon!) and... well that's about it really.

Weeks of unstable blood sugars combined with mum's passing have clearly totally zapped all energy from my system.  It feels as if this is my ground zero. More than ever, I realise that life is precious and oh so short. Too short to wait for 'someday'.

While I'll admit that this part is hard, hard in ways that totally exhaust me to even think about at this point, it is a time that will shape me. This experience has put me in a place of immense perspective. While it pained to fall here, I've been gifted strength, pride and confidence in who I am. I've grown. And you know what? That actually excites me.

There will be bumps in this road of mine and a few potholes. There will be hills to climb, perhaps some rivers to cross, most definitely a few intersections and maybe I'll even pull over a couple of times. We're told its the journey not the destination, and I believe this.

Attitude is everything. 

One Week Today

One week ago today, I began to take my first deep breaths without my mother. Through the devastating loss there is immense peace. Everything is so surreal and the week went in a blur.

Organising the funeral was nothing short of intense. At a time when there's just no fuel left in the tank, we had to arrange what almost felt like a wedding, all within four days. There seemed to be little time to take it all in as we had the funeral four days later. The calls to family and friends took the best part of two days and the words to the eulogy sure didn't come easy despite having heard mums stories a hundred times over the dinner table. Flowers, music, catering, clothing, certificates: so much organising, everything equally important and the desire for perfection never stronger.

Something which did help me through the week however, was my daily runs. If even for only 20 minutes, a run provided clarity and balance, not to mention time away from the house in the crisp fresh air of our tropical winter. While my blood sugars haven't been great, they haven't been terrible either. Which I find quite fascinating really as I often struggle with the effects of a 'negative' mood on my blood sugar control. Whether sadness, frustration, anger, or stress, negative moods elevate my blood sugars and they even seem to become 'sticky' requiring more and more insulin to bring them down. Regular morning runs seem to help alleviate this problem.

As you can imagine, reading the family eulogy was... it almost feels like words can't describe really...an intense mix of sadness and anxiousness combined with a surreal blur of pride and happiness for an amazing woman that was. I felt shaky at both the loss of my mother and the need to honour her with a great delivery. Of course I checked my blood sugar right before standing up to speak. 12.1 not good, but not worth dosing for given the situation. Within 30 minutes I was 19.0 for no apparent reason other than emotional.

While the coming days, weeks, months and perhaps years will be taken one step at a time, this is also a new chapter in my life. I have been served a harsh reminder that life is short, a gift for which we must cherish and celebrate.

The Blur

Days. That’s what we are expecting is left. Everything has gone downhill so fast but in that a positive lies. Mum won’t have to suffer much longer. The most horrible part of all of this is the lack of dignity cancer gives its victims. The lack of independence and humility.

I’m not working anymore and all projects have been put on pause or I’ve simply removed myself from them for now. The days are becoming a blur and quite frankly I don’t really care if its Monday or Thursday. It’s just another day in this waiting room.

My blood sugars are all over the place and any lows or highs seem to be affecting me sooner or more severely.  The long range isn’t going to be inspiring.

Sleep. That’s something that seems to happen a lot but is all just part of the blur and I wake up only to suddenly realise again, ‘Yes, this is still real and yes, we are still here’. Here trying to ease mum’s suffering. Here feeling mum’s pain.

She is now at the stage where words are exhausting or confused and every time she wakes she cries. Cries for what was and what could have been. It’s devastating to see her so sad. But through all this, there are surprisingly still smiles and laughter, hope and movement. There are comings and goings of doctors and palliative care nurses, of dogs and a cat, of friends and family. Bron, one of Mum’s closest lifelong friends has been staying here, up from down south, now in her third week as a carer and life support. I am here, temporarily moved back in to my family home. Despite the imminent knock of death, there is so much life in this house. So much support for an incredible woman who’s spent all her life caring for us.

Most of all there is love. There is love in the sighs, the smiles, and as eyes meet. Love flows in down the phone line, in emails and on postcards. There’s love in hot meals dropped around and bunches of flowers on the mantle. There’s love in her cat that won’t leave the room. Love of a life; for the memories and what lives on because she was here.

The sort of love that never dies

Run For Type 1 Today!

Some of the team in blue before the fun run kicked off

What a day! We did it! Up at 4:45am and full of beans for Run For Type 1. Bit of a bumpy start with a morning blood sugar of 13.8....bummmer. Which then spiked right before the run to 15! I'm putting it down to a case of adrenaline, well at least a bit of excitement. Lucky for me it came down to 9.2 in time for the gun to go off and it was pretty sweet sailing though to the end with a reading of 8.9.

After many weeks of less than ideal training, I surprised myself with still being able to run a good way in. But, then the stitch of all stitches set in and it was down to walking for a good 500m. Having not run properly in a while, there was one blood sugar check at the 3km mark (11.1) and then homeward bound.

The goal for Run For Type 1 and my diabetes in general has taken a massive hit from left field so it was truly reinvigorating and inspiring to see everyone who turned up this morning to run with me. It proved we are not alone in our diabetes, and you might even be surprised who's right behind you (and who's not!). To those who donated online - you are a blessing and I am so excited that together we can make a difference to Diabetes Queensland's Diabetes Basics program.

Bright and happy (and slightly red!!) after finishing the run

I am already taking notes and planning for next year as well as keeping an eye out on other events that Run For Type 1 can be involved in - I will be sure to keep you up to date!

Luck and Blessings

For three days now, these beautiful flowers have been smiling back at me from beside my computer in my office. Their exquisite aroma fills the air, wafting through me every time I enter the room. They were given to me from my boyfriend Michael, simply because he wanted to show how much he loved our time away and to thank me for 'letting him be him'. I am blessed.

I am blessed with love, I am blessed with family and I am blessed with circumstance.

I find one of the best parts of visiting a new place, is discovering the city, its streets and ally ways. It's people, it's smells, it's sounds. When I was in Thailand, I loved taking in the city as we jumped from taxis to buses, tuk tuks, the subway, ferries, vans, the lot. But it didn't take long for me to wonder: What if I'd been born here with diabetes, to a struggling family on the streets and in the slums? How long would I have? Would I have died before I was even diagnosed?

At the Rotary International Convention, I stumbled across a booth tying two of my passions together: Rotary and Diabetes. The Rotarian Action Group for Diabetes aims to increase the awareness of diabetes, coordinate treatment and education of diabetes patients, and provide diabetic supplies to third world nations. What stood out to me most was the words written across the flyer they were handing out: 'No child should die from diabetes'. Simple and true. I am excited about discovering this group and hope that you will join me in visiting their facebook page and help them to make a difference.

A time to recharge

Well what a whirlwind my annual holidays were. Or perhaps I should more aptly say - what a roller coaster they were! While it took me a while to 'come down' and adjust to the the time off (who new one would need to 'adjust'!!), our trip to Asia was incredible. Thailand was nothing short of AHmazing! Absolutely loved it. So much so, we were planning our next trip back before we'd even left. The people are so friendly, the food is delicious and there's thousands of adventures to be had. It really is the land of a thousand smiles.

Diabetes-wise there was never an issue. I only had two very mild lows, and never got sick... except for a little flu (but then I probably caught that on a plane or just wasn't used to city pollution). I came home with enough diabetes supplies for another holiday (as predicted!) and the worst thing to happen was that a freaked out when I thought my insulin was becoming warm for too long during a day trip to the Tiger Temples (but of course I had plenty of back up supplies back in the hotel).

Before leaving, I was generally pretty tense about  a lot of things and in particular I was telling myself I need to start 'getting used to' the fact my mum is dying and that we just don't know when. That I needed to 'make plans' for how I was going to make the most of our time left together and also how to deal with my mental and emotional state during and after. What I wasn't thinking was that we might loose her while I was away. It's true what they say, at the end of the day, nothing can prepare you for something like this. While I have been there since the moment she was diagnosed, and I have been informed of the various 'processes' and stages of 'decline', deep down there is always still a level of shock and devastation at every stage.

Up Up and Away!

In about 12 hours we'll be heading off to Singapore and then Thailand! I'm excited but also a bit anxious. Its been a while since I took an international trip and even then I've never been to a country like Thailand. My biggest worry? Getting sick or my insulin not working. The first worry I have tried to ease by taking half the chemist with me in my carry on, the second worry... well I've done the same really - packing more supplies than I'll probably need in a month. (The latter worry is probably a bit ridiculous anyway).

Having not been to Asia before (except a trip to Japan in high school and passing through the odd airport or two) I totally under estimated the extent (and cost!) of the preparations. Whoever said Asia was cheap obviously didn't have to factor in a diabetic lead up. I've spent over $400 on vaccinations and doctors consultations alone, not to mention the time taken on the back and forth trips between home, the doctor and the chemist, oh and then Bupa and Medicare to try get back a little of the expenses (and organise travel insurance)...no wonder I've been somewhat frustrated lately! On top of that has come the cost of all those 'just in case' supplies such as a fresh Gluagen Hypokit (I've never needed this once in the 16 years....but you never know...), packaged food such as muesli bars (which I don't usually eat), glucose tablets and jellybeans (more than I've probably eaten in the last three months but happy moods and walking all day could cause a few lows). Then there's the paperwork: prescriptions, letter from the doctor, Medical alert IDs, plus the standard passport, itinerary etc.... and then a duplicate copy in a different place... oh and then one for the parents...

Its been interesting watching Mike get ready for this trip in comparison to myself. I have my standard 'female' hat on when preparing for my adventure (have I got the right sort of underwear for each outfit, how many pairs of shoes will I need? Do I really need a pair of heels? Straightener? Make up? so on and so on...) and then on top of that, I've also got my diabetic hat on. Mike seems very much 'footloose and fancy free' compared to me. He hasn't started packing at all, and won't until tonight. Mike's preparations have mainly consisted of trawling internet sites and getting excited about actually being there...I'm just trying to get on the plane, get seated, sigh in relief that 'yes, I have everything and I am on my way!'

While it can seem a bit tedious, and I've certainly been frustrated in the lead up, being prepared makes me feel confident and safe. I know I will have a better trip because I have ease of mind.

I'm looking forward to the trip now, but the real excitement will hit when I'm sitting on that plane. A new adventure is just around the corner. Singapore and Thailand - Here we come!