A time to recharge

Well what a whirlwind my annual holidays were. Or perhaps I should more aptly say - what a roller coaster they were! While it took me a while to 'come down' and adjust to the the time off (who new one would need to 'adjust'!!), our trip to Asia was incredible. Thailand was nothing short of AHmazing! Absolutely loved it. So much so, we were planning our next trip back before we'd even left. The people are so friendly, the food is delicious and there's thousands of adventures to be had. It really is the land of a thousand smiles.

Diabetes-wise there was never an issue. I only had two very mild lows, and never got sick... except for a little flu (but then I probably caught that on a plane or just wasn't used to city pollution). I came home with enough diabetes supplies for another holiday (as predicted!) and the worst thing to happen was that a freaked out when I thought my insulin was becoming warm for too long during a day trip to the Tiger Temples (but of course I had plenty of back up supplies back in the hotel).

Before leaving, I was generally pretty tense about  a lot of things and in particular I was telling myself I need to start 'getting used to' the fact my mum is dying and that we just don't know when. That I needed to 'make plans' for how I was going to make the most of our time left together and also how to deal with my mental and emotional state during and after. What I wasn't thinking was that we might loose her while I was away. It's true what they say, at the end of the day, nothing can prepare you for something like this. While I have been there since the moment she was diagnosed, and I have been informed of the various 'processes' and stages of 'decline', deep down there is always still a level of shock and devastation at every stage.

We arrived in Bangkok, fuelled by the amazing time we'd had in Singapore, it was our first morning and we were busily getting ready for the Rotary International Convention when Dad phoned. Mum had been rushed to emergency and the outcome was looking bleak, she was already in surgery as without it she wouldn't have lasted another 48 hours. Even with the surgery, there was a large chance she'd only have 2-7 days. Shock. That's all I could feel. Not tears, not anger. Just that deafening silence again. Then the tears.

What do you do when you're thousands of kilometres and several international flights away? The next few hours were agonising and surreal. Trying to make the most of what could have been my one and only day in Bangkok while all the time consumed by the fact my mum was literally fighting for her life...and I wasn't there by her side, was conflicting and I was somewhat functioning on auto pilot. The tears came again when Dad phoned to say she'd pulled through. The surgery had gone the best anyone could have hoped for and hadn't had to be as drastic as initially thought. Still, I thought, do I go home?

I decided to stay. I needed space away to recharge. Recharging would mean that I'd have a better state of mind to be with mum, care for her and help my family generally. I'm glad I made that decision. Its been draining after being back for just one week and I see how much that trip give me. How much I needed that trip: mentally, physically, spiritually.