Invisible Illness

Until I left university (for the second time) a few years ago and really started getting into a career with job responsibilities and commitments, I never really paid much attention to the concept of 'work-life balance'. Nor did I think about the term 'invisible illness'. I could go to the gym whenever I wanted, sleep, eat, dose whenever I wanted. Now I have to be much more aware of when and how I do things, of what I squeeze into my day, and even more so: what I choose not to squeeze in, all in the name of balance. Now, the terms 'work-life balance' and 'invisable illness' have constant presence in my life.

Last week I took two 'sick' days off work. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes, because of diabetes,  I do just need to STOP, and the need to do so doesn't always conveniently fall on a weekend - just like being sick with a cold or flu. I find I can't just keep charging on all the time. If I have something extra on, or a particularly busy week, I need to then balance that out by having a slower lead up, aftermath or removing something else from my life just for that week (note healthy eating, adequate sleep and exercise should not be an option here!) While I did have a slight cold, it was mostly my lack of energy and high blood sugars that pulled me to a halt. I knew my body was screaming for rest now, or else I'd be worse by the weekend...perhaps resulting in having days off this week anyway. But I beat myself up about it throughout most of the time off.

Visually, to another 'non-diabetic', I probably looked perfectly fine to go ahead with a usual work day. There was no sniffling, coughing or raspy voice down the phone when I called up my boss. I might sound tired sometimes, but who doesn't occasionally? This makes me feel guilty, like maybe they think I'm lying. It also makes me feel somewhat like a failure, for letting my disease hold me captive for the day. I know I shouldn't let myself feel like this - what is it about us diabetics that makes us want to over achieve, be super human? Everyone gets tired and run down, Everyone.

While it can be frustrating, and I have days when I wish people could understand the feeling of high blood sugars, mood swings, and bouts of intense tiredness (all at once and combined with the stress of the whole situation!), I do at the same time still feel thankful of the instability of diabetes. I don't want people to ever feel sorry for me, or to think that because I have diabetes: because I take a day off here and there: that I must be weak. If anything, we are so much stronger. We have no choice but to be so.

My answer is that it's up to me to feel confident in my actions. It's up to me to educate others about living with diabetes. As my years with diabetes grow and my career along side it, the need for work-life balance grows in prominence too. I want to be here longer and stronger and that is the only way to do so.

Share and stay strong.