One Week Today

One week ago today, I began to take my first deep breaths without my mother. Through the devastating loss there is immense peace. Everything is so surreal and the week went in a blur.

Organising the funeral was nothing short of intense. At a time when there's just no fuel left in the tank, we had to arrange what almost felt like a wedding, all within four days. There seemed to be little time to take it all in as we had the funeral four days later. The calls to family and friends took the best part of two days and the words to the eulogy sure didn't come easy despite having heard mums stories a hundred times over the dinner table. Flowers, music, catering, clothing, certificates: so much organising, everything equally important and the desire for perfection never stronger.

Something which did help me through the week however, was my daily runs. If even for only 20 minutes, a run provided clarity and balance, not to mention time away from the house in the crisp fresh air of our tropical winter. While my blood sugars haven't been great, they haven't been terrible either. Which I find quite fascinating really as I often struggle with the effects of a 'negative' mood on my blood sugar control. Whether sadness, frustration, anger, or stress, negative moods elevate my blood sugars and they even seem to become 'sticky' requiring more and more insulin to bring them down. Regular morning runs seem to help alleviate this problem.

As you can imagine, reading the family eulogy was... it almost feels like words can't describe really...an intense mix of sadness and anxiousness combined with a surreal blur of pride and happiness for an amazing woman that was. I felt shaky at both the loss of my mother and the need to honour her with a great delivery. Of course I checked my blood sugar right before standing up to speak. 12.1 not good, but not worth dosing for given the situation. Within 30 minutes I was 19.0 for no apparent reason other than emotional.

While the coming days, weeks, months and perhaps years will be taken one step at a time, this is also a new chapter in my life. I have been served a harsh reminder that life is short, a gift for which we must cherish and celebrate.