Up Up and Away!

In about 12 hours we'll be heading off to Singapore and then Thailand! I'm excited but also a bit anxious. Its been a while since I took an international trip and even then I've never been to a country like Thailand. My biggest worry? Getting sick or my insulin not working. The first worry I have tried to ease by taking half the chemist with me in my carry on, the second worry... well I've done the same really - packing more supplies than I'll probably need in a month. (The latter worry is probably a bit ridiculous anyway).

Having not been to Asia before (except a trip to Japan in high school and passing through the odd airport or two) I totally under estimated the extent (and cost!) of the preparations. Whoever said Asia was cheap obviously didn't have to factor in a diabetic lead up. I've spent over $400 on vaccinations and doctors consultations alone, not to mention the time taken on the back and forth trips between home, the doctor and the chemist, oh and then Bupa and Medicare to try get back a little of the expenses (and organise travel insurance)...no wonder I've been somewhat frustrated lately! On top of that has come the cost of all those 'just in case' supplies such as a fresh Gluagen Hypokit (I've never needed this once in the 16 years....but you never know...), packaged food such as muesli bars (which I don't usually eat), glucose tablets and jellybeans (more than I've probably eaten in the last three months but happy moods and walking all day could cause a few lows). Then there's the paperwork: prescriptions, letter from the doctor, Medical alert IDs, plus the standard passport, itinerary etc.... and then a duplicate copy in a different place... oh and then one for the parents...

Its been interesting watching Mike get ready for this trip in comparison to myself. I have my standard 'female' hat on when preparing for my adventure (have I got the right sort of underwear for each outfit, how many pairs of shoes will I need? Do I really need a pair of heels? Straightener? Make up? so on and so on...) and then on top of that, I've also got my diabetic hat on. Mike seems very much 'footloose and fancy free' compared to me. He hasn't started packing at all, and won't until tonight. Mike's preparations have mainly consisted of trawling internet sites and getting excited about actually being there...I'm just trying to get on the plane, get seated, sigh in relief that 'yes, I have everything and I am on my way!'

While it can seem a bit tedious, and I've certainly been frustrated in the lead up, being prepared makes me feel confident and safe. I know I will have a better trip because I have ease of mind.

I'm looking forward to the trip now, but the real excitement will hit when I'm sitting on that plane. A new adventure is just around the corner. Singapore and Thailand - Here we come!

To My Mum

Mothers and Daughters. An unrivalled connection, so simple yet so complicated. So common yet so varied. There must be millions of stories the word over, of a Mother and her Daughter, a Daughter and her Mother. But for the most part, we usually only ever truly know one version. Our own.

As I get older, I realise its very easy to see my Mum in me. My Dad too, but that is a story for a different day. Growing up, my Mum was striking, a fierce woman. Determined and strong. Sometimes it felt like she yelled a lot, and I guess she did, but always for what she believed in. I tended to be quite shy, especially when I first got diabetes, and I remember wondering how I was ever going to grow up to be as confident as her.

It's in the way I prepare lunch for the family, in the way I like to organise things, the way I fold the serviettes in quarters but the tea towels in thirds (which confuses the heck out of my partner and he can never quite seem to get right). It's the way I like certain things 'just so'. It's in my face when I stare in the mirror, my hair pulled back, just like she has for so many years. She is in me.

This I have to remember, and this is what I will hold on too, for I don't know how much longer she will be here. About one week after I signed up to the WEGO Health Activist Writers Month Challenge, Mum was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

At first, those three words were deafening, like a punch in the chest followed by the loudest white noise I've ever heard. Everything comes to a standstill, as though a big red flag had dropped from the sky, plummeting into the ground and marking the point at which life had now changed and will never be the same. I lost my voice box the moment I was told. It just completely disappeared. I also seemed to loose sensation. Frozen, I sat in the world's tiniest room (2 metres squared would be a generous guesstimate), mostly likely purpose built for such talks. In the dimmed light, the surgeon explained what surgery he had been able to perform and why he couldn't go any further; very carefully he assured us he would have treated his own family in the same way. Numb and Explosive. How can you be both at the same time? Just when it felt like we'd breathed all the oxygen out of the room, the door opened and the harsh fluro lights of the hospital corridors flooded in. No, it wasn't a dream, its real. I don't know how I manged to walk straight, let alone stand up.

There was life before cancer, and now there's life with cancer. As much as I try, being positive for two diseases can be hard, its draining, and I get tired. Mum with cancer actually makes life physically feel different.

The 'unknowns' seem as draining as the 'knowns'. We've heard 'six weeks to a six years', 'one to three years', & 'ten to twelve months'. Different days deliver different emotions; for everyone. I'll be happy as Larry one minute, and the next I'm stretching at the gym and suddenly I'm overwhelmed and thinking 'Shit! This time a year ago... who would have thought this is where we'd be?'(tears welling up, I made a for a quick exit). This time a year ago, I was watching my Nana struggle through her last days, very unhappily deteriorating beyond recognition in a hospital bed. It seems so long ago now.

I was devastated to know Nana would never see me walk down the isle. I never once thought Mum might not be there too. That's not supposed to be the way the picture looks.

Although I do not know how much longer I will have Mum on earth with me, I do know I will always have her, inside of me. Growing up there's been times when I've been annoyed when people have told me how much I can be like mum. I've fought with her, yelled at her, cried because of her. But more importantly, I am strong because of her. I have laughed with her, cried with her, shared my life with her. I am who I am because I have an amazing Mum who fought for me, who flew the diabetes flag  for me. She made me proud to be me, me with diabetes and me for just me.

I love you Mum.

Day 14 to 17

Surprise! Dragging the foot again....Day 14 to 17 of the WEGO Health Activist Writer's Challenge included writing posts on:

My Dream Day - well if it were just for one day then it would be quite easy - A diabetes free day. While i don't wish that i didn't have it, it would be quite nice to just have a day or too to check out and not have something diabetes related on my mind 24/7!

My Writing style - Adhoc! I don't seem to write when I say I'm going to! Distracted. Reflects my mood...how very female and diabetic of me!

Pintrest - Well! I am still on the waiting list to be given a Pintrest account! I didn't realise it was so involved to sign up (so I've pinned some of my own favourite images from Easter to this post instead!)



'Learned the heard way' - Nope, putting my foot down on this one. This post makes me need to stop and reflect on not so great things in my life and while its great to learn from our mistakes and what not, today I am having a great day - so I don't want to go there! Excuse the next phrase, but 'Shit happens', it happens to us all, sometimes a bit too often for our liking too! But one thing I have learned... sometimes the hard way.. is not to stress and not to be negative - it only brings more negativity and stress into your life. Head up, forward we go.

Day 13: 10 things I couldn't live without!

The usual suspects: Insulin, Blood meter, Jellybeans.

iPhone - I'm pretty sure we might be able to cure diseases and take over the word with iPhones in the future! (maybe some people already can)

A touch of beauty: Bio Oil, Paw Paw ointment & mascara

Double Coat Chocolate Tim Tams... no I didn't forget I'm a diabetic..but if I'm going to splurge then these are a pretty darn good reason too! I even know exactly how much to dose for each biscuit! :)

My family - Love you!

Water! Boring but true.

If I could add a couple of bonus items to the list it would be fresh vegetables (preferably of the green persuasion), Fish oil, apple cider vinegar, tuna and protein powder.... oh and foot rubs!

Day 12: The Simple things

Stream of Consciousness Day....here we go!
Hmmmm....

So I'm feeling a little guilty, a little tense. This is a problem of mine that I constantly have to pull myself up on. Why I automatically feel the need to take everyone else's emotions on board as well as create more weight to my issues, I don't think I'll ever quite know. I just know I do it. I am also pretty sure there is also many a woman out there that knows what I mean. I feel like in some way I'm supposed to fix everybody and everything...that's when diabetes gets left behind, then I get tired and then I can't help anyone!  The alternative is to tell others 'no' or 'not right know' or 'just give me a minute first'...but then I feel bad. The dumbest part is I know this is kinda stupid.

The other silly part is that I think I actually really really want to be Super Woman: cape and flying powers included. I think it'd be great to chuck in the following skills as well: time travelling, invisibility, super human strength, and a couple of flash devises (maybe a couple of fancy iPhone apps) that let me transport, country hop, speak foreign languages and super sense my blood sugars. Not much to ask. 

Day 10: Dear 16-year-old-me.

Today Wego has challenged us to write a letter to our 16 year old self... I think I could of written for hours but then part of the magic of growing up is the mystery, learning for yourself and treading the unknown. So here's what I ended up with.

 

 

Dear 16-year-old-me,

 

You’ve had diabetes for 6 years now. Keep remembering that it isn’t the enemy. I know it’s frustrating but there’s no point fighting it. The pump is a possibility already, you should really think about it.

Dad has cancer, he’s going to get a lot worse but he’ll pull through and forge forward like he always does. Dad pulls through because of his mind. You know he is incredible at being positive and not letting stress get to him, this sometimes annoys you but you need to remember this and do the same– it’s the key to good health. Every time you have a period of extreme stress or sadness you will get sick. Try your very best not to get down or let things get to you – deep breaths do work and so does that hippy instrumental CD with the two tecnhi-coloured guys on the front that mum has. You steal it during uni to level out to before big exams. It works every time, through a Bachelor of Social Science, a MBA and beyond…hey perhaps you’re on to something.

Don’t panic that you’re not sure what you want to do with your life, but definitely consider that niggling feeling about being a nutritionist or dietitian a bit further, it’s still here ten years later!

Try to get mum out in the community now, she needs it – an exercise group, charity, the gym, it doesn’t matter! Help your brother to get mum to quit smoking and definitely don’t go and get them for her – don’t give in, it is the right thing to do.

When you’re 17 you’ll get caught in an intense teenage crossfire. Not used to such situations, you’ll feel like yelling at your mum that you hate her, don’t do it – it’s not worth it and you’ll beat yourself up for years over it. If it does slip out, don’t beat yourself up.You're a good person.

Go see Nana and Roy more often – they won’t be with us much longer.

Most of all, keep doing what you’re doing. There are ups and downs ahead but life is interesting that way. Just remember to stand your ground and be confident in who you are: never be afraid to lead -otherwise people might sometimes take you for the doormat.

Eat well and exercise plenty. Your mind and body function best that way and give more back to you.

Be amazing.

Love you always,

Jessica

Day 9

My deepest beliefs for a good life, for everyone.

Day 6 to 8

Sorry Wego Health Challenge, I'm rolling three days into one. Its not cheating I swear!

I escaped to our Lake House for three days with the family over Easter and upon first discovery that we couldn't seem to get the internet all weekend, I was a bit frustrated (and a tad panic that I temporarirly could particpate int he blogging challenge!). But then I realised it was a blessing in disguise. What's one to do with no internet and limited phone reception????? Stop to smell the roses, breathe in the fresh air and quality time with the family of course! AND I'm pretty sure WEGO would agree that the break was very very healthy (a few easter eggs aside).

I did however prepare a little health haiku as asked for on Day 6. See if you can guess what's first on my mind every morning!

Every morning

There you are, first and foremost

What number will be? 

Every morning

Wrip the stirp and finger prick

how much do I need?

Then Day 7 we could write about whatever we wanted! bummed I missed out!!

Day 8: What was the best conversation I had all week? Hmmmmm It was such a busy week and this question makes me stop and realise how many people I speak with in one week about sooo many different things! Thinking back over the last seven days, I've have to stand up for myself and defend my choices and  personal character (more than once!), I've got supper excited when talking about a new project, had several serious discussion relating to the future direction of my workplace, conducted group meetings to implement new ideas and strategies, given a speech off the cuff to a room of thirty people, meet several new faces - both professionally and personally and even connected with people from my past. I've had hard conversations with those suffering from cancer and had open conversations on the ups and downs of life with people who I now no longer can call complete strangers.

I can't tell you what the best conversation I had all week was, but I can say thank you to Wego for making me take the time to reflect on all the people who filled my life in just the last seven days. Life is amazing.

Day 5: Ekphrasis Post

Today we hit flickr.com/explore and write a post on the image that pops up, trying of course to link it back to health.. here's how I went.



http://www.flickr.com/photos/totororo-roro/7045597727/



The Dark-eyed Junco

It seems quite fitting that this image popped up and claimed it's self to be my topic of today. In fact, I almost feel as if it is a sign. A sign that I'm at the point where I'm well equipped with everything I need to soar and now all I need is to make my move and get up off that branch.

I am not a bird lover, nor a keeper of them. I do stop occasionally to admire them, but more often turn around to ponder the bird watcher themselves: with their bumbags, floppy hats and over sized cameras as they crowd in a group to spot our region's offerings. If it weren't for the caption accompanying the image, I certainly wouldn't know what sort of bird this was.

So it is for certain that this image spoke to me metaphorically. This is my third 'bird' in as many weeks.

1. While training with Diabetes Queensland, we were presented with an 'ice-breaker' question each to help us loosen up and introduce ourselves to each other. My question was 'If you were an animal, what would you be and why?'. On the spot, I couldn't think of anything else other than a sun bird. They remind me of being young, on Sunday drives in our car across the country with dad . Staring out the window, I remember their golden yellow flashing past the backdrop of rolling hills and the tall, thick grass. They seemed so carefree and happy, as if they carried the sun in their little bodies, distributing it across the country side as they flew. As if it was their mission to be happy. They feel like home.

2. As part of the challenge we were asked about superpowers, and as much as it sounds very typical - my first thought was flying. Which them reminded my of all the wonderful dreams I had as a child.

3. So here I am - my third flying/soaring/bird moment to happen in a short period of time. I'm taking it as a sign. A sign to be happy positive and courageous - to remember my roots, my passions and what drives me. To take this, move forward and seize the day - lucky I have a few days off over Easter to get the ball rolling, shake up the tree and try to soar off my perch!

How does this relate to health? Well aren't positivity and optimism some of life's most potent medicines? Happiness is the key.

Day 4: I write about health because...

Today we are all reflecting on why we write about health and not only that, but we're to do so straight off the cuff for 15 or so minutes... so here goes!!!!

I write about my health because… 

Its a therapeutic part of my life journey

I love to write generally

I want to create a deeper connection with the Diabetic community

I'd like to be a voice for the online community in my region, my state, my country

I'm not alone in what I have to deal with everyday as a Type 1 Diabetic

I want to be the best Type 1 Diabetic I can be and set an example doing so

I want to help others

I want to share my journey and meet new people

I'm quite simply fascinated by health and the impact of event the slightest changes in our lifestyles

I love learning about nutrition

I love food!

It makes me happy!

My reasons are pretty simple I know. I've been dealt this card (Type 1 Diabetes), its mine and I'm going to use it for good - no point getting down about it. In fact I can think of many a reason why diabetes can be a blessing! So I'm focusing on that and striving forward. I hope you'll join me.

Definitely worth dosing for!

I'm totally in love and just can't resist!

Day 3: Superpower Day

Today's challenge topic is awesome; a question we all dream of from childhood and on through adulthood - If I had a super power what would it be?!?! .....

I always wanted to fly. Do you remember those dreams from when you're young where you actually feel yourself flying? You're running, or even falling and then all of a sudden there's a churn in your stomach as you lift up, and you're flying. Then there's always the challenge to see how long you can make it last. I haven't had one of those dreams for so long now!

After considering this question a little further though, I realised if I had a superpower, I would like it to be the power of healing. While initially I thought how fun it would be to fly, morph, transport or have super human speed, if I could heal wounds with a touch, cure disease and ease the mind of mental illness, the opportunity to help others and my own life would be endless. 

Then, true to self, I probably thought about the topic a little too hard, The more I think about super powers, the more I realise how daunting they might be, perhaps even a burden! They would most certainly be life altering - and I don't mean just on an individual level. If I were to have the power of healing, would that mean that less and less people would pass on? Would we then become over populated as humanity increased at a quicker rate than the technology to provide them with quality of life? Or would my fellow super powered humans have sorted the answer to that question already?!?! My life could be akin to that of A-List celebrity in regards to public attention, but perhaps without the perks of a creative industry and wads of cash, plus the added weight of responsibility as I could perhaps be messing with the mystery of karma, destiny, etc etc!!!......hmmmm, not really that appealing. 


No matter what your super power, imagine what might happen the more people found out and the more you used it - both positive and negative.... perhaps I should stick to flying - gut instincts are most often the best ones!!! 

Day 2: Quote(s) of Inspiration

 Today we're to post quotes that inspires us. For me, there's many quotes for the different aspects in my life - in fact just stumbling along a quote which makes me smile or feel positve is inspiration in itself, and if found on facebook results in a quick click of the 'LIKE' thumbs up! For today though, I have narrowed it down to two.

'Fortune Favours the Brave'

Thanks to Wikipedia, I discovered this quote comes from a Latin proverb referring to the goddess of luck, Fortuna, who is more likely to help those who take risks or action.

I love this quote because I believe it rings true for so many different situations in our everyday lives: health, relationships, family, work and play. Almost daily, we can be faced with situations requiring steps of bravery - albeit in different levels - but at some time in our lives we are all faced with choices: some positive, some negative. Choices which can alter our life path. Choices which can require us to follow the path less travelled, to decided 'right from wrong', make the best of a bad situation, or make the hardest decisions of all. These are the choices which make our stomach flip, sometimes in excitement and anticipation, sometimes in grief or despair. But these are the types of choices that ask us to muster up a bravery and courage that enables us to put our best foot forward, confidence in our stride, strength in our bellies and a smile on our face. We may be stuck between a rock and a hard place, be taking a leap of faith or hunting for change: all of which start with that first step forward.

I can't expect to achieve greatness by standing still.

Day 1: Health Time Capsule

If I was to create a Health time capsule today, to be opened in 100 years time, I would include:

• A blood meter, insulin pen, blood strip, needle top and finger pricker – as an example of the diabetes equipment I am using today
• Some personal information on myself such as a photo, blog entry, family tree etc – to help give personality to the items
• A news article or health science magazine about general break throughs happening now and expected in the near future – so they can see how far humanity has really come
• Floss – it will always be essential! It can come in handy for so many things as well as your pearly whites – You wouldn’t believe the amount of times having floss in my hand bag has saved me.
• A good lock of my hair – you never know, they might be able to re-create me…just need to consider if I’d actually want that to happen though!!!

Aside from the physical items one might see in my capsule in 100 years, my biggest hope is that they open a memory. A memory of time where diabetes used to affect thousands the world over, everyday. A memory of a disease that no longer exists.

What would you put in yours?

The Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge 2012

The WEGO Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge 2012 starts today! I've signed up to post once a day for 30days on specific health topics as proposed by WEGO... and considering I haven't yet acquired the skill of daily blogging, this will certainly be a challenge! So stay tuned for my Type 1 take on their topics!