Whatever the stages of grief and which ever order they appear, I seem to have transcended into the next one. Or perhaps revisiting one I thought I was through. I just know that I paused for a moment this week and realised I was 'here' and not 'there'.
I'm at the one year mark of when we first found out about mums diagnosis with terminal cancer. Unexpectedly I seem to be finding this quite difficult.
Easter is hard without mum. We're not a religious family nor do we do copious amounts of chocolate but she just had this way of making it just so. When I was little, she always organised an egg hunt which ran through the entire house and into the garden, and every year my brother and I got matching bunnies of some sort. Even with my diagnosis she still carried on the same, believing a little of the best chocolate was much better than the toxins of artificial sweeteners. I wish I could just skip Easter this year, take a big breath, and try deal with it next year! Just the thought of an Easter egg makes me feel sick!
I'm trying really hard to up my workouts and keep my diet in check as I'm sure this is one of 'those times' when I don't quite realise just how close to the edge I'm pushing myself! Also off to get a flu shot tomorrow- that's the last thing I need! A flu monster trying to sabotage my blood sugars!!!
I'd just like to say thank you to the couple of people who have contacted me recently to see if I'm OK. I haven't got back to all of you yet but your kindness really touched me and reminded me how wonderful the DOC community can be and that I should stop abandoning the blog everytime I say I'm back!!!
Friday, 22 March 2013
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
I'm Still Here!
I'd like to say time flies, but then I stop and think how much I've managed to cram into this year already... just obviously not much blogging! A huge shout out to Diabetes Queensland though for including my blog in their One Wonders enewsletter as its given me the proverbial kick-in-the-you-know-what to at least post an update. I have not flown into outer space never to be seen again... I just got caught up in having an engagement party! buying an apartment! aaaaaaaaaaand launching a new business with my family! Oh and trying to be a diabetes management goddess of course!
Engagement party, I highly recommend them, if only simply to understand what headaches you might have for the real big day... oh and very harshly, who you may actually prefer not to have there... bitchy I know but its a really big day, and its about the groom and bride to be and the people who shine whole-hearted love and real warmth into your life.
Bought an apartment, the one one I've lived in for the last three years, its finally OURS. Yep I've taken another big step for adult kind and bought property with my wonderful other half. Awwwwww. Stressful though, my goodness, its been over two years in the making. Crazy, but one thing or another seemed to jump in my way. Not anymore! ....now for the even bigger monthly payments...how very grown up of me!
Launching a new business, has been immensely stressful and exciting at the same time, which means sleepless nights of late. 9pm to 1am seems to be when I do my best business plotting, just I have to be lying in bed with the lights out but eyes open while I toss and turn... I don't seem to get the same switched on effect if I'm actually out of bed sitting at the computer...very annoying! This also makes it difficult to stick to my exercise regime early the next morning.... cue erratic irritating blood sugars. grrrrrrr!
Also Ive been trying to work closely with the local diabetes centre, mostly out of guilt. I feel like I can't be a good diabetic if I don't constantly go in there. But every time I do, they tell me to eat more carbs, which I do... because they're experts right.... but then I start on this spiral of highs and lows and annoying grumpyness (even I don't want be around me).... So I'm back to my usual 'not-so-much' carb lifestyle... still on the roller coaster a little though....not actually sure it's possible to get completely off sometimes. Maybe its more like we can get out and stand on the platform but while we're standing there watching it, something else comes and pushes us back in the seat... enough lol
Ok that's a quick update for now as I'm off to meetings to get this product launched!
Much Love
Engagement party, I highly recommend them, if only simply to understand what headaches you might have for the real big day... oh and very harshly, who you may actually prefer not to have there... bitchy I know but its a really big day, and its about the groom and bride to be and the people who shine whole-hearted love and real warmth into your life.
Bought an apartment, the one one I've lived in for the last three years, its finally OURS. Yep I've taken another big step for adult kind and bought property with my wonderful other half. Awwwwww. Stressful though, my goodness, its been over two years in the making. Crazy, but one thing or another seemed to jump in my way. Not anymore! ....now for the even bigger monthly payments...how very grown up of me!
Launching a new business, has been immensely stressful and exciting at the same time, which means sleepless nights of late. 9pm to 1am seems to be when I do my best business plotting, just I have to be lying in bed with the lights out but eyes open while I toss and turn... I don't seem to get the same switched on effect if I'm actually out of bed sitting at the computer...very annoying! This also makes it difficult to stick to my exercise regime early the next morning.... cue erratic irritating blood sugars. grrrrrrr!
Also Ive been trying to work closely with the local diabetes centre, mostly out of guilt. I feel like I can't be a good diabetic if I don't constantly go in there. But every time I do, they tell me to eat more carbs, which I do... because they're experts right.... but then I start on this spiral of highs and lows and annoying grumpyness (even I don't want be around me).... So I'm back to my usual 'not-so-much' carb lifestyle... still on the roller coaster a little though....not actually sure it's possible to get completely off sometimes. Maybe its more like we can get out and stand on the platform but while we're standing there watching it, something else comes and pushes us back in the seat... enough lol
Ok that's a quick update for now as I'm off to meetings to get this product launched!
Much Love
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Exercise & Diabetes: a Personal Observation
My partner (way to eagerly) decided we should weigh ourselves this morning. Ugh...really?!?! Just my luck, I've been really good, sticking to healthy eating and exercising every day... that is until Friday. Work has been hectic, we had a last minute function to organise for a State Governement Ministerial Announcment... which all came to a head Friday and Saturday = long hours, no where near the perfect food intake and no gym. Oh...and I may have just over indulged yesterday...lets just say an empty tim tam packet and a salt & vinegar chip packet went out in the rubbish last night...and Mike was only a very minor accomplice..
So there he is, standing in the kitchen holding the scales up in the air with a big excitable grin on his face, like this is some sort of great idea, as if to say 'YEAH, wooooooo!'. Begrudgingly I sulked over, moaning my excuses, my 'buts and ifs'.... I've lost THREE kilos since Jan 1st! I'd actually put on weigth a week and a half ago and decided to not dare jump back on. So you can imagine my surprise.
Even more staisfying though was the answer to Mike's question about the impact on my diabetes. My blood sugars have dropped and are now much more in control than around Christmas time. Even better, my total daily insulin unit intake three weeks ago was 45-55 units. Now? 25-35!!
So there he is, standing in the kitchen holding the scales up in the air with a big excitable grin on his face, like this is some sort of great idea, as if to say 'YEAH, wooooooo!'. Begrudgingly I sulked over, moaning my excuses, my 'buts and ifs'.... I've lost THREE kilos since Jan 1st! I'd actually put on weigth a week and a half ago and decided to not dare jump back on. So you can imagine my surprise.
Even more staisfying though was the answer to Mike's question about the impact on my diabetes. My blood sugars have dropped and are now much more in control than around Christmas time. Even better, my total daily insulin unit intake three weeks ago was 45-55 units. Now? 25-35!!
The week in Pics!
The week kicked off well with a cup of green tea in my fave mug!
The drive to my family home, soon to be my new home is very ...well...homey! I love the trees in bloom and the feel of family life in the streets.
Lows aren't all bad...the perfect excuse for a few sneaky lollies. I've a soft spot for the oldies like bananas and milk bottles.
How could I ever say no to this face!?!? Love!
Just a quarter of all the pamphlets, flyers, and business cards I came home with last Sunday... I decided the dump them out on the table and see what I liked... let the planning begin!
The Wet Season has apparently arrived! - makes 6am starts at the gym a bit harder as I looove sleeping in in the rain...but nothing beats being healthy.
I see a pattern arising here! It seems I see quite a few sayings I attach on to for a few moments. Here's one for this week which made me think about clarity and whats important.
Friday, 18 January 2013
Sticking to it is half the battle!
This morning I am risking falling into my old ways as I'm pushing all things health and vital aside for work and other 'not-so-important-in-the-long-run' things... i.e. had too much wine last night... did not go to the gym this morning...hence schedule was starting to fray so forgot my lunch...probably won't get to gym this arvo as I'll be tired....and I have to start work at 6.30am tomorrow (on a Saturday!!!) and won't finish until after the gym is closed....Risking it for sure! BUT I am sneaking 5 minutes out of work...(yes...also an early start today, and as luck would have it, 7am start Monday too!)...I just have to tell you what a change these past two weeks back at the gym have made.
Particularly this week, I have made an effort to go to the gym everyday. That's weights and cardio, as hard as I can for 30-40 minutes and then a good 5-10 minutes of concentrated stretching. Most days I am in and out in 45 minutes, no messing about. My insulin sensitivity has improved immensely: two weeks ago I was bordering on 3units to 10g carbs now I'm about 1 or 1.5units to 10g carbs.
Even better, because of the food choices I'm making, most days this week I haven't had to dose at all during the day. (I'll just remind everyone here that I am on multiple daily injections and take 2 shots of Levemir (10units each), one before breakfast and one after dinner). I feel amazing, a bit tired and achy from the gym, but otherwise amazing. I can not recommend a good exercise regime more highly in the management of Type 1 Diabetes.
Particularly this week, I have made an effort to go to the gym everyday. That's weights and cardio, as hard as I can for 30-40 minutes and then a good 5-10 minutes of concentrated stretching. Most days I am in and out in 45 minutes, no messing about. My insulin sensitivity has improved immensely: two weeks ago I was bordering on 3units to 10g carbs now I'm about 1 or 1.5units to 10g carbs.
Even better, because of the food choices I'm making, most days this week I haven't had to dose at all during the day. (I'll just remind everyone here that I am on multiple daily injections and take 2 shots of Levemir (10units each), one before breakfast and one after dinner). I feel amazing, a bit tired and achy from the gym, but otherwise amazing. I can not recommend a good exercise regime more highly in the management of Type 1 Diabetes.
Sunday, 13 January 2013
Picture This...
My week in pictures...and not all that much diabetically speaking! Other than a major boost in happiness as my blood sugars begin to behave thanks to getting back on track with my exercise! Gleeeeeee!
ONE: Recently my dietitian suggested the use of the 'Easy Diet Diary' for keeping track of my eating habits. I was reluctant at first as it seemed just another thing I have to follow-up on, fill in, and complete ever day! But I am converted, I L-O-V-E love it and my fiance is head-over-heels-hook-line-and-sinker immersed into it to. There are so 10s of thousands of foods in the database and it is sooooo easy to keep track of your goals. It displays, tracks and calculates carbs, sugar, fats, sodium and energy levels to help you stay on track, or loose weight AND it incorporates the effects of exercise...now I just wish I could make it sync with my iBGstar and I'd be set!!! Oh! and did I mention its AUSTRALIAN.
TWO: After spending all weekend cleaning up our apartment in anticipation of putting it on the market soon, I became a bit tearful at the thought of not having a grandmother or mother anymore with whom to share life's big moments. Without a sister or close female cousins either, I sometimes feel a little sad about who to share my engagement and wedding preparations with. Well my very own Mr Amazing came to the rescue, stopping by my office on Monday for lunch, armed with a copy of the latest Cosmo Bride and a card saying how much he would like to help with all the arrangements. Bless him!
THREE: Mid week meals at my family home means catching up with my gorgeous pets too! Love that Cat!!
FOUR: We came home one night to this big guy waiting by our door. They're meant to be good luck...I'll take that!
FIVE: The drive home! How can I not love where I live!
SIX: I saw this along the way this week and just really liked it!
SEVEN: My First Bridal expo this week! It was HECTIC...soooo many decisions to be made!!!
Hope you all have a lovely week ahead x
Thursday, 3 January 2013
What a diabetic looks like
How many times have you heard someone say words to the effect of 'oh but you don't look diabetic'? This happened to me quite a lot last year, most likely due to being more 'vocal' about diabetes than usual, and it got me thinking, 'What do people expect me to look like?' 'What do they expect me to say in response to that statement? ....... 'What does diabetes look like?'
Then today, at the pharmacy of all places, I heard those words again for the first time this year - only got three days in! There was a total episode of confusion between myself and the service assistant at the pharmacy. When I stated I'd arrived to pick up an order of blood strips and providing my name, she looked quite bewildered.
I replied to the look by saying 'for diabetes, blood strips for a glucose metre'.
'Oh' she replied, sounding unsure 'What kind?'
'BG Star'
I nearly lost her in bewilderment again to which I said 'Yes, they're a newish strip, its a bit of a funny name and a bit confusing I know'. So she walked off to find my order.
Next minute she holds up a bag and yells out my name to reconfirm. 'Yes that's it'
She then started talking about me in the third person. Yep, as if I wasn't there, I was most confused... then she handed back my NDSS card and said 'I didn't know you could only have the carer's name on the NDSS card'. WTF? I'm not a carer! I'm the diabetic.
Instead I politely said 'Thats just my card, but I don't think you can'.
To which she replied quite plainly 'Oh, you don't look diabetic'
Errmmmm......
Then just as I'm leaving she starts talking about me in the third person again, saying that they'll phone when the next order arrives... She obviously wasn't convinced I was the diabetic!
SO. I've decided that this year as part of my blogging, I'm going to take a simple image every day of what my life looks like that day...whether related directly to diabetes or not. Coz quite frankly we diabetics, whatever we look like, do alot more than just test, prick, eat and visit doctors (though that does of course shape my days!) Still blogging about the D of course but chucking in a bit of the other things that make me who I am.. .and possibly not one who 'looks like a diabetic' - whatever that's supposed to mean!
Today we went on a few site visits to check out venues for the engagement party... this is what greeted us when we stepped out at the first venue...
Then today, at the pharmacy of all places, I heard those words again for the first time this year - only got three days in! There was a total episode of confusion between myself and the service assistant at the pharmacy. When I stated I'd arrived to pick up an order of blood strips and providing my name, she looked quite bewildered.
I replied to the look by saying 'for diabetes, blood strips for a glucose metre'.
'Oh' she replied, sounding unsure 'What kind?'
'BG Star'
I nearly lost her in bewilderment again to which I said 'Yes, they're a newish strip, its a bit of a funny name and a bit confusing I know'. So she walked off to find my order.
Next minute she holds up a bag and yells out my name to reconfirm. 'Yes that's it'
She then started talking about me in the third person. Yep, as if I wasn't there, I was most confused... then she handed back my NDSS card and said 'I didn't know you could only have the carer's name on the NDSS card'. WTF? I'm not a carer! I'm the diabetic.
Instead I politely said 'Thats just my card, but I don't think you can'.
To which she replied quite plainly 'Oh, you don't look diabetic'
Errmmmm......
Then just as I'm leaving she starts talking about me in the third person again, saying that they'll phone when the next order arrives... She obviously wasn't convinced I was the diabetic!
SO. I've decided that this year as part of my blogging, I'm going to take a simple image every day of what my life looks like that day...whether related directly to diabetes or not. Coz quite frankly we diabetics, whatever we look like, do alot more than just test, prick, eat and visit doctors (though that does of course shape my days!) Still blogging about the D of course but chucking in a bit of the other things that make me who I am.. .and possibly not one who 'looks like a diabetic' - whatever that's supposed to mean!
Today we went on a few site visits to check out venues for the engagement party... this is what greeted us when we stepped out at the first venue...
What'd you know!?! We ended up picking this place haha. Lets hope there are no ATTACK BIRDS in the spot we'll be dining! Perhaps I should tell my guests to bring their bike helmets or fashion a hat out of an old ice cream bucket for the night!
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